I’m not even done with the miniskirt issue: I got my first scandalously short micro-miniskirt when I was nine years old (it was a purple and beige horizontal-striped T-shirt-like number we got at S. Klein’s on the Square). That was in 1967. This means that, if I were to purchase and wear a scandalously short micro-miniskirt this season, it would mark my FIFTH decade of wearing scandalously short micro-miniskirts. I can’t handle that. Not just because I don’t want to be reminded that my life now spans five decades (okay, okay, it spans six decades, give the knife a twist, why don’t you?), but after this long, how can Cynthia wearing a micro-miniskirt still be scandalous?