So here's my latest "thing." Gwen gave me a swimming lesson (just one) on Thursday at the "wet spa" at the Bally's Hotel we stayed at for Mommie's Birthday Extravaganza. We put on goggles, opened our eyes under water, practiced breathing, then went on to gliding across the water, relaxing, wiggling our feet, and then finally the basic crawl stroke. Coupla times back and forth across the pool and Gwen felt confident enough in my nascent skills to leave me to practice on my own while she checked out the whirlpool.

So, back home, I went out and bought a bathing cap and some swim goggles. At first I went for the low-budget black rubber goggles, but when I tried them on I felt like they were about to pop my eyeballs out of my head, so I brought them back and exchanged them for a pair at almost twice the cost, but with "soft cushion design poly seals," which turned out to suit my eyesockets muchmuch better, thank you. "Women's Serenity" was the style name. They are pink. But, knowing me, I'm sure you guessed that.

So today I took my old child's size large black Speedo bathing suit, my new Speedo goggles and bathing cap (talk about brand loyalty!) to my gym (also, coincidentally, named "Ballys").

The distance down the length of the pool at the Bally's Gym around the corner from me in Hell's Kitchen is far greater than the distance across the pool at Bally's Hotel Wet Spa in Atlantic City. Far, far greater. Well, probably more like far, far, far greater.